While gaming social connections can bring plenty of richness and meaning to our lives, it’s important to cultivate in-person relationships, too. Texting and video and in-game chat are powerful tools to keep us connected, but they lack the depth of face-to-face interaction. 

We all need physical touch and proximity to other people, the ability to read someone’s body language, to hear their voice, and to get into the flow of conversation that can only happen in person. It’s a necessary life skill to be able to connect with others in different environments, including school, work, social settings, and religious gatherings.

In fact, research from the Journal of Interprofessional Education & Practice shows that social isolation and loneliness can cause more health problems than behavioral risk factors such as smoking, poor diet, lack of exercise, and obesity. As mental health professionals, we have an opportunity to demonstrate the importance of nourishing both online and in-person relationships and educate our clients about digital social wellness. This is exactly the kind of work HG Institute was built to support. We exist to help practitioners like you stay ahead of the challenges that come with a generation living so much of their lives online.

How coaches can help gamers create long-lasting change

Before you start working with your clients, make sure that you’re bringing a welcoming and empathetic mindset to your sessions. Here are a few tips to help your clients lead a balanced and healthy social life online and offline:

• Encourage your client to take baby steps; small changes consistently over time will increase the probability of their success 

• Approach with curiosity and seek to understand; establish that your meetings are a safe, judgment-free space

• Frame your sessions as gateways to discovering more of what brings your client joy and excitement

• Help them leverage social media to facilitate in-person meetings (rather than vilify internet and technology)

Building enriching social connections offline

For gamers who spend an excessive amount of time online, they often forget how joyful being offline can be. Your role as a health coach is to gently guide them toward being more present in the real world and their in-person relationships.

Show clients that being offline is fun

Games are highly stimulating and offer an easy pathway into community–it’s no wonder so many spend so much of their time in front of a screen. But why does your client enjoy spending time online? Is it because they’re avoiding their problems or emotions? Is it because being strategic and solving puzzles stimulates their brain? Are they bored by their work or life? Once you dig deeper and gain clarity into their motivations for gaming, you can help them discover different hobbies and activities that can also satisfy those needs offline.

Maybe they already have hobbies that they enjoy that they just need to rediscover. If they don’t, encourage them to explore their interests by doing activities like joining clubs, volunteering for a cause close to their heart, or trying out different hobbies. 

Remember, encourage them to start small. For example, they can dedicate one day every two weeks to try out a new offline activity outside the home, and one day a week to do an offline activity at home.

Help them prioritize time with loved ones

Work with your client to plan regular meetings and hangouts with loved ones, whether it’s with family, friends, or a partner. If this isn’t something they’re used to doing, suggest using a schedule or calendar. 

Examples include weekly coffee or lunch dates, special events or activities monthly, or occasional gatherings. Ask them what kinds of activities they enjoy or would like to try. Throw out ideas if they’re having trouble thinking of any (e.g., a cool museum exhibit, robotics workshop, film club, etc).

Being intentional about online relationships 

For gamers, online relationships provide companionship, support, and community. Part of your work as a coach should focus on helping them develop healthy and balanced online relationships. Your client might fear that developing strong offline relationships means their social life online will suffer. Assure them that that’s not the case. Both can flourish in tandem as long as they’re intentional with how they use their time and set boundaries.  

Join online communities that uplift and energize

Not all communities are created equal. Whether your client enjoys playing MMORPGs (massively multiplayer online role-playing games) like World of Warcraft or Guild Wars, or social simulation games like Animal Crossing, the key is to help them find people with whom they feel a sense of safety, belonging, and joy.

Here are a few questions you can ask your client to help them determine whether or not the communities they belong to are serving them:

• Does being in this gaming community drain or energize you? 

• Do you feel safe, supported, and understood? Do your peers feel the same when interacting with you? 

• Do you share similar values? 

• Does your community show up for you in good and bad times? 

• Is there mutual respect and honesty in this community?

Focus on quality over quantity

Instead of trying to keep up with every game or being a part of a million Discord chats, help your client focus on the connections that truly matter to them. 

We’ve all heard the saying, Grass grows where you water it. When your client’s attention and care are focused on a handful of communities they feel connected to, these relationships are more likely to flourish.

If keeping up with all the online communities they’ve joined feels overwhelming, it’s time for a cleanup. Get your client to write down a list of communities that are adding stress or negativity to their life and why. They can even leave them during their sessions with you if they need someone to help them make decisions.

Help them set boundaries and stick with them

Screen time can be beneficial in moderation, but too much of it causes digital fatigue and diverts attention away from important aspects of our lives, like our mental and physical health, relationships, and responsibilities. 

Here are some actions your client can take to ensure they balance their online and offline relationships:

• Set time limits: For example, on weekdays, they can game for three hours once they’ve done everything they need to, like work, school, chores, or exercise. On weekends, they can play for up to six hours daily. Figure out what time limits work for your client's specific needs and schedule.

• Establish specific times for gaming or digital devices: Avoid using technology during meals, when spending time with loved ones, and stop looking at screens at least one hour before bed.

• Establish tech-free zones in the home: No scrolling in bed or at the dinner table, for example. 

• Prioritize in-person connection: Your clients should communicate clearly and honestly with their online friends when they’ll be busy and offline. To avoid disappointing anyone, they should set the expectation from the start that they have offline hobbies and often dedicate time to their in-person relationships.

• Practice digital detoxes: Set aside regular times for a digital detox to take a break from all digital devices, perhaps for a weekend or one day each month, and gradually increase it to once a week. They should use this break to focus on offline activities that bring rest, joy, and connection. 

Teaching the internet generation to improve their digital social wellness

It’s harder now than ever to build in-person connections in an increasingly disconnected world, evidenced in no small part by the loneliness epidemic plaguing the United States and the rest of the world. While online gaming relationships can bring gamers connection, comfort, and love just like offline relationships do, building in-person connections is imperative  for their mental and physical well-being.

Some gamers may have forgotten how to form bonds with others in person, and some never learned at all, focusing most of their time on online gaming communities. As mental health professionals, we should help our clients fill the gaps by taking an empathetic and curious approach, guiding them toward simple and consistent actions over the long term, like scheduling quality time with loved ones and setting time limits. Show your clients that you’re on their side, and that you understand gaming social connections are deeply meaningful; you’re simply there to help them have a fulfilling and joyful offline life as well.

If you want a comprehensive foundation for this work, our Digital Wellness Expansion Pack covers evidence-based approaches to technology's mental health impact across 6 CE-accredited hours. 

Ready to go deeper? HG Institute offers a coach certification program and continuing education credits built specifically for health coaches like you who are working with the digital generation.